Are you dealing with a narcissist? We will discuss what to look for and how to deal with them.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Are you dealing with a narcissist? We will discuss what to look for and how to deal with them.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Are you dealing with a narcissist? We will discuss what to look for and how to deal with them.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Are you dealing with a narcissist? We will discuss what to look for and how to deal with them.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
You have probably heard about gender dysphoria lately in the news or around the water cooler, but what does God’s word say about it? Are you close to someone who is experiencing gender dysphoria, or are you struggling yourself? Let us encourage you with God’s love and truth for your life.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Naturally as a therapist, I receive a lot of requests for couples’ counseling. There are many issues couples need help with, in sorting through challenges, disagreements, challenges, problems and frustrations. Many individuals in a couple relationship expect me to side with them in their endeavors to show the other person in the relationship how they are wrong for having their position. I have grown in my ability to not let this happen since doing so tends to endanger the therapy process and possibly add to the problems in the couples’ relationship. Oftentimes individuals in the couples’ relationship will talk to me as if they are talking to their significant other; almost as if using my voice for theirs. Most of the time, I sit listening and wondering and observing. I try to notice the “trees in spite of the forest” by simply trying to maintain a neutrality that’s healthy for all concerned.
Sometimes one person in the relationship or the other do not think I am providing real therapy unless of course I take their position and really pounce on the other person in the couples’ relationship. At times, at certain critical junctures when raw emotions are being expressed, one of the people in the couples’ relationship wants me to subtly form an alliance with them so they can gain an advantage and at times have their agenda carry the day. Little do they know until brought to their attention that my job is to not take sides but to facilitate common ground, to aid effective communication, to foster reconciliation and to help create solutions in a collaborative manner. During these counseling therapy opportunities in a majority of the cases, I can’t help to notice that each party is trying to show the other party how they are wrong. Each party expends great effort and time and tension in trying to talk the other party out of their opinion and position on topics of great magnitude and importance.
Oftentimes each party is quite honestly guilty of not really listening, considering and respecting different positions and thoughts. Their mind is made up and in some sort of gamesmanship pride and bantering will not even consider modifying or adjusting or compromising to suit the other person. These efforts, or lack thereof, turn into underlying bitterness and anger that tarnishes and depreciates conversations which eventually turns into long term communication problems. When communication difficulties become deeply rooted, then each party retires to their “camps” and a polarization as cold as ice sets in. When communication polarization is full grown then we just throw darts across the room at each other; darts of complaints, bickering, distrust and a negative complacency instead of mutual respect and appreciation of differences. If every crayon was red just like us, would we ever have the chance to have a favorite color? The process above is a total waste of energy – i.e. trying to incessantly talk and argue and fight the other person out of their position.
Maybe the other person’s position has merit but we can’t see it because we’re polarized and petty. Why not take the best of both? Why can’t we as couples take a little from each person’s position and create a new position? Why does it always have to be our way? I thought we are supposed to be partners on the same team. Why don’t we act like it? Why do we act like our significant other is the enemy? Why can’t we have solution oriented, mature conversations that actually accomplish something rather than making each party angry and/or feeling not heard and validated? Why don’t we stop with our anger and nonsense and try to see the way our significant other sees it for once? If we do this, we may actually learn something! Men, listen to your partner. If she is not some control freak from hell bossy nut job, then listen to her; do, act, reconsider and compromise; love on her instead of bad mouthing her every time you turn around – she’s still the special person you met a long time ago. Ladies, if you partner is not some brutish, control freak sergeant slave driving negative insecure jerk-wad creep, then consider his opinions and appreciate the strength he has to offer.
Compromise, calm down, talk, endeavor to exercise teamwork, appreciate, work together not against one another. Life’s too hard, why create enemies in our own homes? Nurture, fertilize, listen, calm down, respect, encourage, compliment, savor, enhance don’t compete, point out the good things don’t just nag about the negative things, say thank you every once in a while, and then say it some more, decorate don’t deconstruct, build up don’t tear down. Don’t exclude, don’t isolate, don’t punish: Take the Best of Both and create a new something new, even if you have to wipe the slate clean and build new habits, new ways of approaching things, new ways of talking, new efforts to get along and new ways to love on and care for one another. Why not, what’s stopping you? Take the Best of Both!
You have probably heard about gender dysphoria lately in the news or around the water cooler, but what does God’s word say about it? Are you close to someone who is experiencing gender dysphoria, or are you struggling yourself? Let us encourage you with God’s love and truth for your life.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
What is forgiveness? The more I talk with people the more I am convinced that this is a hard concept to understand. Our post-Christian society is moving further from our Judeo-Christian values, and we are seeing an increase in misunderstanding or ignorance in the importance of forgiveness. Look at the newsfeed articles or television programs that are constantly flooding our minds with injustice. Groups and organizations are formed to stand up for those who cannot, and they exist to right the wrongs and bring justice to their special interests. The problem is that they are not satisfied and do not offer healthy solutions because they would lose their reason to exist. Let that sink in. The special interest groups continue to exist, and it has wrongly taught generations of people that justice is the only path to fix their problems.
To understand forgiveness we need to understand justice. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition for “Justice” is: “The maintenance or administration of what is just, especially by the impartial adjustment of conflicting claims or the assignment of merited rewards or punishments.” This is where we get “administration of justice” pertaining to law enforcement. Our society has laws. We break the law, and law enforcement is there to administer justice. The consequences are then applied according to what the law states as a punishment or satisfaction. We look to this as being fair and just. The problem is that not every broken law is enforced, every punishment is not just, and injustice can create problems both socially and personally. So, what is our solution?
Let us go back to God’s word, and what He has given us as a guide and example of what we need to do with our need for justice. In the Sermon On The Mount, Jesus taught his disciples how to pray. He instructed them to pray that God would forgive their trespasses or debt, and that we are to do the same to those who trespass or have debt against us. He concluded it by saying: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sin, your father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14,15. The Apostle Paul backed up the words of Christ in his letters, particularly in Ephesians 4 and Colossians 3, that we are to forgive each other just as Christ has forgiven us. We need to learn how to forgive.
Jesus was our ultimate example of how we are to forgive. The story of our forgiveness started in the very beginning. In the beginning God created mankind in His image, male and female, so that we could have a relationship with Him and each other. Mankind broke that relationship by sinning (not only against God but against each other too), and because God is just and holy, our punishment was eternal separation. Justice was satisfied. But, God was not satisfied. His nature is to love us, and He would not be satisfied unless we were with Him and had a relationship with Him. God created us to love because He is love. 1 John 4 tells us that love comes from God, and that we are to love one another. God ultimately showed His love for us by sending His Son to the world to sacrifice Himself on a cross, so that the justice for our sins could be administered and satisfy the law. Jesus took injustice on Himself by dying on the cross to satisfy the justice required by the law, and in doing so he opened up the power of forgiveness. While Jesus was on the cross He asked God to forgive the men who crucified Him! (Luke 23:34)
Jesus gave us many examples of forgiveness, but one parable can sum up what He is talking about in Matthew 18:21-35. Jesus compared mankind to a servant who owed the king 10,000 bags of gold, and when it was time to settle the debts the servant did not have enough gold to repay. The consequences were to be thrown in prison until the debt was paid off. The servant knelt down and begged the king to be patient with him, and he promised to repay his debts. The king was so moved by the servant that he decided to forgive the servants debt completely. But, once the servant left he found a fellow servant who owed him 100 silver coins and demanded that he repay the debt. The fellow servant begged him to be patient, and he promised to repay what he owed. The servant had no compassion on his fellow servant and had him thrown into prison until he could repay. This is a picture of unforgiveness. The king found out about the servant who he had just forgave, and he was furious. He ordered that the servant, who was forgiven of great debt, be thrown into prison until his debts were repaid. Here is the application: We have a great debt to our God who is our King. The justice our fellow man owes us pales in comparison to what we owe God. How can we withhold the forgiveness that was given to us by our God from our fellow man?
So, what is forgiveness? It is a daily practice of carrying our cross and satisfying the requirements of justice by administering love in its place. If we are created in God’s image than we will never be satisfied with mere justice because He was not satisfied with ours. God administered love on the cross to a creation that broke their relationship with Him. We rejected God’s commands and ultimately brought punishment on ourselves. Because of His love for us, He died for us and gave us a choice to accept His love or reject it. Love cannot exist without the possibility of rejection. And, by administering love on the cross He gave us a roadmap to forgiveness and repairing our relationship with Him. The only thing that is required by God to repair our relationship with Him is forgiveness and love. Not justice alone. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death (eternal separation), but (forgiveness of our sins) the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Paul goes on to say in Romans 10:9,10, “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in you heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.” Do you need to ask for forgiveness? Are you separated from God? Are you separated from people in your life? Do you need to forgive them? We have to forgive one another. It is the only thing that can satisfy us. Without forgiveness we are in broken relationship. And, without forgiveness for others, God will not forgive us.
Are the holidays a time each year that you dread? Do you feel lonely or sad because the holidays remind you of the loss of a family member or friend? Do family functions cause anxiety? We understand and we want to help you.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Are the holidays a time each year that you dread? Do you feel lonely or sad because the holidays remind you of the loss of a family member or friend? Do family functions cause anxiety? We understand and we want to help you.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download